Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Let's paint friendship bongs
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Randomize
