I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
