So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
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