it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
