can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Randomize
