distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
