I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
