Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
whose parrot is this?
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize