Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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