Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
