dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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