OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
