First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
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