i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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