She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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