sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
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