Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
