anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
But theres a keg here and me gusta
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
