see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Randomize
