My ? Is...... Would it be sweet or creepy to take a girl on a first date to chigago?
creepy.
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Randomize
