i just wanna soil my oats bro
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Randomize