The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
