I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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