I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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