That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Randomize
