The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
