Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Randomize
