i would punch a child for taco bell
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
