I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
The power of my boobs compel you
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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