you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
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