the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
