Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
