I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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