help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
