I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
It was confusing and full of hummus
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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