Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
