God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
