Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
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