Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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