He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
