Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
