Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
