Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize
