Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Randomize
