I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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