Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Randomize
