I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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