I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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