Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
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