dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
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