you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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