if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
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