I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
