never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
