I want to walk on stilts...naked
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Randomize
