better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
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