i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
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