Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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