I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize