he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
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