A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Randomize
