Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
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