She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
