he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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