I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
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