there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Randomize
