Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
