his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
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