I'm going to rape someone's good day.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
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