You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
