I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Randomize
