just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Randomize