i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize
