I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
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