I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Text me some of your sweat
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
