i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
