I wish you could order shots online.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
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