Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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