walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
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