is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Randomize
