How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
Randomize
