Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
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