my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
