Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
