I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize