She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
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