Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
