Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Randomize
