I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Randomize
