I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
