beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
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