oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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