Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
Randomize
