everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Randomize
