so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Randomize
