Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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