remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
I said "one day" and that day is not today
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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