If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
love makes seman taste better
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
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