My room smells like vodka and shame
She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
