O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
she smelled like a LAN party
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
