my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
