It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Randomize
