high people should be assigned attendants
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
